Five Heart Shaped Necklaces Chapter 6

*** I need to know if I'm laying on the whole love thing too thick. I dont think that I am, but, ya know how it is.***

Alexis

I blinked, and he was gone. The room was back to normal; no broken chairs or anything. Everyone was staring at me. My eyes flicked back and forth between concerned faces.

“Umm, excuse me for a sec, would you?” I asked with a nervous giggle.

I flew quickly out the door and went to the place where if found the necklace. I still had it on. It started glowing a brilliant purple color. I stared at it with one eyebrow raised.

“Strange.” I whispered to myself, taking the necklace off.

I sat on the ground and just stared at it. The pain hit me. My breath was knocked out of my system, and my eyes stared rolling in my sockets. It hurt. And I couldn’t control it. Damn. When I got my breath back, I started hyperventilating. Could pixies do that?

My vision went black, then multicolored, and then red. The pain shot up and down through my body and soared out of my mouth in a glass shattering shriek. I was fighting the black. I would win.

I closed my eyes, and the spinning stopped. Carly’s face flashed into my brain. Carly. No wonder. I wasn’t effected by her earlier. Now I was…

My eyes opened to the sound of flapping and the rustling of quick feet. I was instantly surrounded by my friends and the strange elves. I felt better. The black and red in my eyes retreated and I was breathing normal again. My head hurt. Confusion swept in, making me a little dizzy. I started tilting. The world went the other way. The last thing that I felt was Aerther’s arms around me. That nice smell returned.

Rachel

When I saw Alexis faint in Aerther’s arms, pangs of jealousy and panic smothered me.

“I don’t think that I can handle this. Give me a sec.” I said with a flurry of words.

My emotions were so mixed up I was Stuttering and changing back and forth from my human form to my Pixie form. I heard a set of burly footsteps behind me. I flew faster, willing myself to stay in pixie form. I knew that I was breaking down in midair, so I stopped abruptly. A blur of blonde hair rushed past me. The wind felt like the lips of an angel’s skin brushing across my face. I buried that face into my knees and cried. My shoulders shook, and my breathing turned into short, quick gasps.

I felt a pair of arms around me. I peeked out from my knees and saw that it was Caelnisah. I raised my head all of the way and stared into his green eyes. Green. How funny. That was my favorite color. My heart was beating with the force of a tornado. It was a different feeling, one that I had never felt before.

“Are you okay?” He asked.

It took me a second to understand that he was talking to me, even though we were the only ones on the side of the field.

“No, actually, I’m not. My best friend just fainted. My other best friend turned out to hate pixies, and then tried to kill me. And now random elves turn up and all of the pixies foregot about Carly and our mission just because of a few pretty faces.” I said without breathing.

His face was completely awestruck, and then his expression turned soft. My breathing evened. I blinked, and he kissed me. He tasted beautiful, if that was possible. We didn’t break for a long time. I had a new feeling in my system mixing with all of the rest. Love.

Amanda

I stared after Rachel. I was worried about her and Alexis, but I though that I was in control.

“Okay, we need to get Alexis in the house . Put a cold wash rag on her face, and fan her with whatever you can find. If you try any funny business, I will kill you.” I said, looking at Aerther the whole time, trying to hide my smile. I knew that he wouldn’t. Shaking him up a little wouldn’t hurt though.

Aerther rushed Alexis into the house, all the way at the end of the field. My eyes widened with surprise. I would have to ask him how he ran that fast later, when everything was calm. If it was ever calm again. That left me, Emily, Casther, Sylasal, and Kethque.

“I need to check on Rachel. Don’t kill each other while I’m gone!” I said, getting ready to fly.

“Wanna race? I bet that I could beat a slow pixie.” Said Casther in an arrogant voice.

My eyes sparkled as his shocked face flashed into my mind when he lost.

“You are so on.”

“Ready…set…GO!!!” Screamed Emily, and I was gone.

I could hear Casther’s feet behind me as I was only inches in front. I wasn’t even trying. All of the sudden, he was in front of me, and I was frozen to the spot. He had put an ice ring around my feet. All in the matter of a second, I took the ice ring, flicked it towards him, he fell, I bent down to push off faster, and I spotted something gold and shiny. It looked like a locket. I picked it up and put it in my pocket and flew to were I could hear Rachel. Casther was still where I left him, frozen to the spot whenever I touched Rachel’s head.

“I win.” I whispered, knowing that he could hear me. I concentrated on the ice around his ankles, forcing it to melt. He was next to me in a mater of seconds. He pushed me to the ground and was on top of me. I blinked, and glared.

“You cheated.” He said, his face close to mine. I shrugged his hands off from around my waist, pinned them to his back, and sat on him.

“EVER touch me like that again without my permission and I will ring your pathetic elf neck!” I whispered into his ear.

“You won.” He groaned from under me.

“I know.” And I did too. In more ways than one, I though to myself as the picture of the locket flashed into my brain.

Emily

I was left in the field with the last remaining elves.

“I’m going to go play basketball. Bye.” I said to them.

The best way to get my stress off was sports. I know pixies should be worried about other things, but basketball was amazing and challenging! I heard a scream in the distance. A very far distance, might I add. It sounded like a…a… PIXIE!! But all of the pixies were in the meadow, except for Alexis, who was in the house.

I took off after the sound. It came again, far into the woods on the opposite side of the field. She sounded like she was in pain. I had to help her!

I raced against time, hoping to get their fast enough. I channeled my thoughts to my whole being. The air changed into a pale blue color. The earth was still around me. Nothing moved except for me. I had only a minute until time restarted again. Yes, I can control time, but only for a minute. I flapped my wings to the extreme, trying to get to the hurt pixie. I saw her!!

She was in a clearing. There was a brownie attacking her!!! I screamed inside of my head for the girls to come here quickly. They couldn’t hear my thoughts, but they could feel my emotions. Maybe the screaming would help.

The time control wore off, and I lunged for the brownie.

Comments & reviews · 2
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

You can earn up to 246 points for reviewing this work. The amount of points you earn is based on the length of the review. To ensure you receive the maximum possible points, please spend time writing your review.
User avatar
imafreak22 Comment

what she said but other than that I thinks it was fine and really mushy...... 8)

Wow. I really think this chapter is a big improvement over the previous one. The character development was much more believable here, and in turn, it helped make your characters a lot more interesting to me.

I think the switch-off narration was a big part of the increase in character development here, there were ways in here to add more characterization that made each of the secondaries stand out a lot better. I’ll admit, originally reading the early chapters it felt like Alexis’s friends were really just there to be her faceless cheering section and prove how much awesome-r she is than them. This makes us realize that they’re people with their own different facets and their own personalities.

“No, actually, I’m not. My best friend just fainted. My other best friend turned out to hate pixies, and then tried to kill me. And now random elves turn up and all of the pixies foregot about Carly and our mission just because of a few pretty faces.” I said without breathing.


I must say I really, really like this paragraph. The sign of disagreement and struggle among the pixies made me happy—conflict is yummy. This made me really reach out and feel sympathy for Rachel, I wanted to comfort her and help her out. So awesome job. ^_^

Most of the critiques I could think of for this one are small:

My breath was knocked out of my system, and my eyes stared rolling in my sockets. It hurt.


The “It hurt” bit really isn’t necessary. I think we can figure it out from the previous sentence.

My eyes sparkled as his shocked face flashed into my mind when he lost.


The structure of this sentence kind of confused me… for a second I thought you were saying he’d already lost.

Yes, I can control time, but only for a minute.


Once again, I think we can deduce that from the previous sentences.

Otherwise, I think this is a really strong chapter. I know this story has tons of potential, and if character development keeps improving like this, it’s going to be awesome to behold. Keep up the good work, I can’t wait to see where this goes next.



"I never expected that I should be a queen so soon."
— Alice's Adventures in Wonderland